Well being means different things to different people.  One thing I know, though, is we don’t “have” it unless we’re intending for it, focusing on it, putting attention on it, and really committing to it (kinda sounds like most things in life, doesn’t it?).  For those of us who are in any Spiritually oriented, it also doesn’t hurt to throw in a prayer, chant, or mantra to bring in some Divine help.  I want to share what I hold as a prayer, though the Buddhists that developed what I’m about to share may differ with me in calling it that.

Regardless, I offer it into the blogosphere as something  you can say to yourself every day to prime the pump for having a day that can be full of well-being.  It also might not be a bad idea to say it for all others, as well, given we’re all in the same boat of wanting, desiring, and deserving well-being.  It’s called “Reflection On Well-Being:”

May I abide in well-being

In freedom from affliction

In freedom from hostility

In freedom from ill-will

In freedom from anxiety

And may I  maintain well-being in myself.

May everyone abide in well-being

In freedom from affliction

In freedom from hostility

In freedom from ill-will

In freedom from anxiety

And may they maintain well-being in themselves.

May all beings be released from all suffering

And may they not be parted from

The good fortune they have attained.

When they act upon intention

All being are the owners of their action

And inherit its results.

Their future is born from such action

Companion to such action

And its results will be their home.

All actions with intention,

Be they skillful or harmful,

Of such acts, they will be the heirs.

Three of the most important words in any language are “I Love You.” At the same time, they are three of the easiest words to simply toss off, as mundanely and cursorily as “Don’t forget to take out the trash before you go.” How many times have you, or someone you love – usually when leaving each other’s company for awhile, like when leaving for work – said, “Love you!”…or, upon hearing that said to you, say back, “Love you too,” as you frantically look for your car keys or your PDA?

Today, on Valentine’s Day, it can be just as perfunctory to tell your loved ones that you love them, give them some flowers, candy, a nice meal out, or – for some – sweeping your partner off their feet into the bedroom for outrageously juicy sex for the first time in awhile. Yet, at the risk of being maudlin, do we often REALLY stop to realize that that casually tossed off “Love you!” could be the final words you and a loved one exchange? Do we often pay attention to how much we take our love, and lovers/partners, for granted?

My wife and I saw the movie “The Last Station” yesterday, about the life and marriage of Leo Tolstoy & his wife Sofya. All the clear dysfunctions of their marriage aside, there was an incredible love between them that endured for 48 years. It made me think about my wife, with whom I’ve been partnered for 28 years. The film reconnected me with the true preciousness and value of love like that…the love in the film, the love I have for my wife Sarah, and the love she has for me, after all the years, trials, and challenges.

In noticing how much younger Sarah and I are NOT getting, it struck me that every day is Valentine’s Day, if we just stay awake and present to the gifts that we have in our most valuable and fulfilling relationships.

I invite you readers to make this Valentine’s Day, and of course every day, special by doing the following things, starting today (if you haven’t already done so):

• While with your loved ones today (and each day), actually stop and take a moment to take a deep breath, feel into your own body, and then just watch that loved one for a few minutes…feeling into what you love about them; particularly, look at something you love about them that you either haven’t noticed in awhile and/or haven’t said anything to them about in a long while.

• Make the time to pull a loved one close to you, especially your spouse/partner if you have one and your children, and instead of just saying “I love you,
  actually tell them at least two things about them that you love and appreciate about them.  If you can find something to name that you don’t tend to acknowledge them for very often, use that/those.

• Tell a loved one or three how their presence in your life has most recently made a meaningful difference in your life…then, thank them for that gift.

• Tell them how that meaningful difference your loved one’s love has made in your life has been or will be paid forward to others in your life that could use it.  Be sure you’re doing your best to actually FEEL what you’re sharing, so the energy not only goes to your loved one but recirculates back throughout your heart and Spirit.

• Lastly, remember that our love is what actually bodily connects us to Spirit and can remind us of who we truly are as Divine Beings; take that love in for yourself, thank Spirit, and feel the glow that this, and the other practices I’ve outlined above, will generate throughout your whole body, mind, and heart.

It ain’t a box of chocolates, but it will be better for you and much longer lasting!  Happy Love Day to you all today and every day.

The average bear makes thousands of decisions per day, not to mention how many more are under our conscious radar. We’ve all had decisions that get us to go, “Oh my God, what was I thinking?”

We can’t undo the ones we’ve made in the past, be they brilliant or bonehead-ed. However, it’s never too late to improve the process, eh?

Below is a short piece on an exercise to do to sharpen your decision-making process and bases. It comes verbatim from one of my mentors, David Neagle (http://www.davidneagle.com).  I invite you to try it out.  Is it easy?  No, it isn’t…but then again, I’m beginning to realize that easy is WAAYYYY over-rated.  Enjoy and comment back to let me know how it works for you and what you notice shifts in your life!

“When I am personally in a moment of indecision, I use this exact tool to bring myself right in line with my purpose.

Get yourself a notebook that you can easily carry around with you. For one week, I want you to write down what your true motive or reason is for every decision you make. Yes, I mean EVERY decision!

It might look like this…

1) Decision: Get a cup of coffee,
Why: I love coffee, or because that’s what I always drink in the morning.

2) I get asked to go out to dinner.
Decision: I reply ‘yes’.
Why: So as not to hurt their feelings, but truthfully I would rather stay home.

3) I am asked if I can run an errand, or complete a project, for someone else.
Decision: I reply ‘yes’.
Why: I don’t want to let anyone down, even though I don’t have the time right now.

4) The family wants to go to Disney on vacation but I would like to go to Hawaii.
Decision: I agree on Disney
Why: in order to keep the peace and make others happy.

So many people are not happy, and yet they continue to build their fears, resentments and angers because they never express their true motives, intentions and reasons.

This might seem simple, but its wisdom runs miles deep.”

It is obvious that human beings suffer. I used to think that that was my lot in life.  But, years ago, someone told and taught me that “Suffering is optional.”

Somewhere in between that observation, and living it, is a middle ground that beautifully holds the tension and exhilaration of how to answer and respond to our innate desire to live heaven on earth, both externally and internally.  Putting that journey as both a priority and  commitment allows you to co-create a life aligned with your Spirit – no matter what your  circumstances may be.

We all know well the voices of the Monkey Mind, or ego, that tell us we can’t be this way, shouldn’t do that, don’t dare say “xyz” to someone, etc., for fear of reaction and rejection.  We tend to forget that we’re born with a freedom and innate sense of unlimited possibility…a life of no limitations within us.

Yet, within our families and within our school experiences, that sense of “no limits” gets squashed, distorted, adapted, and compromised to the point that we often lose track of where the “real” us – our essence – begins and the “socially acceptable” us ends.  In maintaining the latter, we get tired, confused, frustrated, self-doubting, self-judgmental, short-tempered, shut down, and disconnected.  This effort ultimately wears us out, and the negative energies that can get so rampant leak out on our children (if we have any), on our colleagues, our spouses/partners, and back onto ourselves.  This cycle is unenlightened – and optional – suffering, as opposed to the Buddhist sense of enlightening suffering.

A way I’ve learned to minimize, if not eliminate, that kind of repetitive suffering is to 1) realize how illusory it really is; 2) how much the Ego likes to have us believe the alleged reality of it, so that it keeps perpetuating its disempowering domination of our creativity & freedom; 3) hang out with people, teachers, and coaches who appear to get the cosmic joke and have transcended it; 4) create a team around you – personal and professional – that can support you in moving beyond your stuckness in suffering; and 5) try on devoting your life to using and giving your gifts and talents in the service of returning to, and remembering, your Divine, True Essence that you were born with. This is the Essence that never stops shining, emanating joy, and giving itself as an expression of love and freedom no matter what.

May seem easier said than done, right?  To some extent, that’s true.  Stay tuned to this blog in the next few days to learn about one way you can move more fully in this direction if you’re ready to choose the option of not suffering.  In the meantime, try starting with simply choosing to notice, for one day as a starter, what’s going right in your life at the moment.  Then, be grateful down to your toes for it.

It’s kind of a funny thing, that expression “It scared me to death.”  In my work with people, and in my own personal life, one of the biggest components of happiness, success, obstacles, or challenges always seems to boil down to one thing: FEAR.  Now, you may think you know what fear means…you certainly know what it feels like…but let me paraphrase a definition I like a lot: False Energies Appearing Real.  I have come to see that one of the biggest obstacles to peace and healthy relationships is FEAR.

So, in thinking about how many times I’ve said, “I’m scared to death to do….,” or “I think I’ll do that later, because I’m just scared to death of what might happen,“…or, “I’ll talk with him/her next week, because I’m scared to death of how they might react (That one sound familiar to those of you out there with spouses/partners?)”, I realized that a major shift in perspective is so essential for us to really have what we want.  This is certainly true in romantic relationships, but particularly relevant to our success in life, in general, as well.

What if, instead of relating to the fears we have as stops, we used them as indicators and signs of positive actions & directions ready to happen?

I have so often used fear to stop me, not catching on to the opportunity the fear is presenting me to take the next step(s) towards greatness…great results in my business, great health, and/or even greater levels of connection to my wife, who I’ve been with for 28 years now.  A coach I work with reminded me that, if you’re really scared, it’s a sure sign you’re ready to grow exponentially.  Oy!  I’ve always interpreted it to mean it’s time to stop and/or wait…until it’s safe.  Wait until there’s enough control.  Or, wait until I’m SURE that the result is predictable and assured.  At 52, I have gotten old enough – and, presumably wiser – to look back and see how many opportunities for love, wealth, connection, and peace have been missed because I was relating to my fear the wrong way.

So, my offering to you today is: stop letting feel scared to death stop you (unless such a level of fear’s attached to the reality of an oncoming car making its way towards your certain annihilation unless you move out the way); instead, try spending a day (just for starters!) being committed – NO MATTER WHAT –  to being Scared Back To Life.

Let me know how it turns out for you!

Within the past couple of days, a young 22-23 year old man in the part of Colorado where I hang out was walking along a local overpass.  This overpass stands above one of the busiest traffic corridors in the area. For some reasons that we'll never really know, this young man – deeply loved by his family and his friends – made a decision…a decision that has now begun a ripple impact across the lives of so many other people.

This young man decided to follow through with a choice he must have made before he even started making his way to the overpass.  He went to the railing of the overpass, and he hiked one leg, then the other, over that railing and made the last decision of his life when he jumped.  He was critically injured upon impact, before the unwitting and innocent driver of an SUV hit him, finishing the task that the young man had set out to accomplish when he jumped.

I did not know this young man.  Apparently, to some degree, neither did the people close to him.  Perhaps they all thought they knew their friend, brother, or son.  Yet, they apparently had no idea of who this young man really was, at the time…the level of confusion he was undergoing…the level of pain and hopelessness he was suffering.  Or, maybe they did, but they had no idea of how to help him.  This young man was a friend of my son's, and my son – like many who knew this person, and like anyone impacted by a suicide – is left asking so many questions amongst the currents of sadness, rage, heartache, and confusion that come with a death like this.

Ultimately, the question of "Why?" permeates the spheres of influence that the suicide leaves behind.  If the suicide turns out to not be surprising, the loved ones left to heal from the debris are wondering why they couldn't have made the difference they wished they could have.  Some wonder why they couldn't have seen the signs in enough time and with enough clarity to have stopped it.  In cases like this, where I believe (I'm not sure) that people would not have expected this young man to end his life like this, the Big Why's usually turn out to not only be "Why did he do it," but "Why didn't he ask for help?"  We're left to wonder why, when someone's in THAT much pain, THAT lost within themselves, why don't they ask for help?

There are so many reasons why someone won't.  I'm not an expert on suicide, but I've been around it enough now in my five decades on the planet.  I have had a few times when I'd contemplated it.  I've had family members who have as well, and I watched my mother commit suicide (it just took her many years to finally achieve the desired effect).  So, between my own personal and professional experiences, I have a pretty acute sense of the quiet desperation and despair that most of us deal with – on one level or another – and the perverse paradox of how seductive it gets to suffer in silence and isolation.  

One of the most insidious things about depression is that it so convincingly assures you that no one can help, no one or no thing will be able to make any difference…it's best to just try to figure it out yourself…or just resign yourself to it never being able to get better, followed by numbing it with either substances or overwork, or maybe even suicide.  While this is not unique to just men (I've lost women I loved to suicide), men suffer a particular shame – often a hidden shame, even to them – about asking for help.  Hell, we often have a hard time even telling the whole truth about how we're REALLY feeling. period.  Somehow, the fear of being perceived as weak or being a wuss trumps the substantial self-love and self-respect that we ideally would have that would cause us to get supported when we just don't have the remotest idea of what the hell to do with what we're feeling.

Added to that, a lot of us are dealing with so many changes and stresses, unparalleled in our lifetimes, I believe we've subtly (or not so subtly) become so self-absorbed that we are drastically losing our level of presence, to ourselves and others. We're not awake enough.  It's getting to the point where this individual and collective self-absorption, along with our intense levels of fear – the fears up front and the ones that we keep trying to deny – renders us unable to even look at our brothers or sisters around us from a true sensitive & empathetic enough place to be able to recognize when our loved one is bullshitting themselves so masterfully that we've gotten drawn in to the deceit right along with them.  In my judgment, men are experts at this.  We're expert at both the isolation and self-deceit, but we're also expert at not being present at all the levels we need to be…again, to both ourselves and those around us.

I don't for a minute hold this young man's friends or family as responsible for his heartbreakingly senseless death. My own heart is deeply saddened for all that they, and the driver that actually hit this young man after he'd landed on the freeway, are going through.  My heart is especially wrenched by my sadness over how much pain this man was in and that he wasn't able to sufficiently ask for help, if at all.  Yet, the only way to try to make any real sense of what happened seems, to me, to rest in the need to create some kind of post-impact meaning that could maybe prevent someone else from ending their quiet despair this way.  This seems particularly important as we head into the holiday time, which is one of the highest-risk timeframes in which people commit suicide.

I urge us all to snap out of our fear and self-referential daze that I, and so many others, so easily et seduced and mystified by.  I urge you to really get out of your heads when you're with people you love, and feel INTO them.  How do they feel to you?  Does their energy match what they're saying when they tell you they're "fine?"  If not, take the risk of going deeper with them…don't let them off the hook.  If you're a man suffering like this, or watching another man suffering, get to a men's group as soon as possible.  Trust your instincts and take the chance of annoying them with your deeper probing (to me, the consequences of NOT doing that justify the flak you may take for doing it).  Go online and read the top signs of high-risk for suicide, and watch.  If you're suffering from them, ask for help.  None of us deserve to suffer the costs of not asking for help, nor do we have the right – through our own self-neglect – to then cause the level of suffering in our loved ones that can happen if the worst outcome were to result.

Take this time to reach out and love people.  The gifts, the money, the "stuff" really just doesn't matter.  Give the gift of your loving perception and connection to everyone in your life.  It just may save a life.

I imagine that this would be more suitably posted on Mother's Day, but I'm moved to do it now.  This Thanksgiving was the second Thanksgiving that I've had now since my mother's death in June of last year. I found myself missing her, and being surprised at the pangs of sadness that hit my heart when the desire to call her and run some things by her, to be comforted and reassured in a way, were met with the hard reality that there's no more phone calls available.  

In my work, I have assisted many many people in individuating from the mothers of their childhood, to move towards a path of freedom from the beliefs and hurts that many moms unwittingly create, because of their own wounds.  Yet, what of the mothers we have NOW…the mothers who may have grown some, just as we hopefully have?  What of the relationship that could be possible with them NOW, if we were able to tender our own inner children's continuing healing from the childhood and adolescence woundings ourselves (with the help of healers that specialize in that…ahem…when needed)?

Our parents are often a difficult relationship at any age, but in thinking of my Mom last Thursday, I realized that I've gotten old enough, and have helped enough other people with their childhood healing, to realize that it may be a good idea not to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

In that spirit, I want to share a piece of writing from a man named Mark Broder, a New Warrior Brother (see www.mkp.org for more info on that, if you want to know what that means), that I wished I'd read before June of last year, so that I may have been able to experience all the gyrations I have had to go through to forgive the mother of my youth (and my adulthood, for that matter) WITH the joys of grabbing the good stuff that was always there between her and I.  That's the essence of relationship anyway, isn't it?  Being able to work through the crapola, while hanging on and growing the areas of the relationship that are healthy and fulfilling?

Enjoy and please comment…what would you like to share about your Mother's gifts that could help you feel your own heart more?

DATE WITH MOM by Mark Broder 

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea. "I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested. "I know, but you also love her" 

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. 

"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

 "I thought that it would be nice to pass some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

 That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. 

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

 I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

 We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. 

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. 

Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

 "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

 During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation-nothing extraordinary-but catching up on recent events of each others life. 

We talked so much that we missed the movie. 

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. 

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. 

"Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. 

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

 Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates, one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you."

 At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

 Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

 Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby .. somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal" is history.

 Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct…somebody never took a three-year-old shopping. 

Somebody said being a mother is boring … somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit. 

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"…somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

 Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices…somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

 Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother…somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math. 

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first…somebody doesn't have five children. 

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery…somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten … or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

 Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back … somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

 Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married…somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

 Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home…somebody never had grandchildren. 

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her….somebody isn't a mother. 

Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life…and to anyone that has a mother

One of the key themes that runs through all my work is the importance of community, connection, and sharing our gifts as fully and unabashedly as possible.  For me, this also includes sharing others' gifts as well.  I received a newsletter today from Dr. Rick Hanson, a Northern California-based neuropsychologist doing incredible work with studying (and writing about) the intersections of brain science and contemplative practices.  He has a new book out called "Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom" that is very useful reading. He's also started a weekly newsletter I recommend, called "Just One Thing," which offers a weekly practice that you can do to foster more of what Rick writes about in his book.

I wanted to share this week's posting, which Rich has given permission to share freely, in the hopes that it offers you an opportunity to expand your repertoire of practices that – with a small investment of time – may further help you breathe and walk your Spirit more moments of each day.  Enjoy, and feel free to go to Rick's site and learn more about the incredible work he's doing in this very important, cutting edge area of growth.

What Feels Good?

The Practice

Take pleasure. 

Why? As Fred Bryant of Loyola University (Chicago) and others have shown, savoring life's pleasures is a powerful psychological resource. You are not pushing away things that are hard or painful. You are just opening up to the sweet stuff that's already around you – and basking, luxuriating, and delighting in it. This activates the calming and soothing parasympathetic wing of your autonomic nervous system, and quiets the fight-or-flight sympathetic wing and its stress-response hormones. Besides lifting your mood, settling your fears, and brightening your outlook, the practice of taking pleasure offers physical health benefits, too: strengthening your immune system, improving digestion, and balancing hormones.

How?  Relish the pleasures of daily life.  Start with the senses:  ·  What smells good?  The skin of an orange, wood smoke on the air, dinner on the stove, a young child's hair . . .  ·  Tastes delicious?  Strong coffee, delicate tea, French toast – chocolate! – tossed salad, goat cheese . . .  ·  Looks beautiful?  Sunrise, sunset, full moon, a baby sleeping, red leaves in autumn, fresh fallen snow . . .   ·  Sounds wonderful?  Waves on the seashore, wind through pine trees, a dear friend laughing, silence itself . . .  ·  Feels good on your skin?  Newly washed sheets, a good back scratch, warm water, fresh air on a muggy day . . .  Next, include the mind: What do you like to think about, to remember, to plan? Bring to mind a favorite setting – a mountain meadow, a tropical beach, a cozy living room chair – and reimagine yourself there. Last, savor these pleasures. Sink into them, take your time with them, let them fill your body and mind. Marinate in pleasure! Notice any resistance to feeling really good, any thoughts that it is foolish or wrong or vain . . . and then see if you let that go. And fall back into pleasure.  Don't cling to pleasure – that will just make you suffer, sooner or later. Instead, open to pleasant sensations and thoughts, let them in, let them fill you . . . and in the natural flow of things, let them go. Enjoy yourself!

Last Sunday, I was sitting at my church, which is a metaphysical, New Thought church. 
It came time to pass the collection bag around, and for some reason, I had a thought about how many people I've come across that have argued with
me that Spiritual work should not cost anything…that to charge for
helping people with Spiritually oriented issues seemed Un-Spiritual and inconsistent with Spiritual principles.  I've heard people question why a church needs to have donations/offerings.  I have also heard this argument in regards to why certain workshops, classes, or coaching that is oriented to helping people transform their lives are charging, either at all or "way too much."  Well, as dangerous a proposition as it can be for me to think, this got me to thinkin'.

On October 2 (two days before the church service I'm referring to), noted Social Media expert Chris Brogan posted a blog called The Audacity Of Free that I really enjoyed a lot. It spoke of the problem that some in our society have in understanding why services with intangible value should cost anything.  While we understand that we have to pay for food, plumbers, and colonoscopies, it gets a bit dicey when we're being asked to pay for workshops, seminars, or donations to churches, for example.  [A disclaimer here: I lead workshops and provide coaching for which the "value" is not fully predictable (until the end of the workshops or sessions), so I have an affinity for this subject.]  I wrestle with it all the time.  Now, to complicate matters further, my "value" that I provide is not only largely intangible, but I traffic in work and coaching that is unabashedly spiritually oriented; that is, I do all I do to basically assist people in being able to develop a deeper connection to their Spirit and to whatever Divine Presence they may believe in and long to be more connected to.  When you start bringing Spirituality into the picture, things can get pretty interesting pretty quickly with this "Shouldn't Spirit stuff be free, or at least cheap?" kind of thinking.

Well, as I was listening to the Minister give his talk about the critical role that imagination plays in Spiritual development and deepening, mine started running a bit amok.  My mental wanderings went from this topic of "Why do people expect something for nothing in the personal development realm?" to how often people unconsciously apply this same line of thinking  and sense of entitlement towards Spirit Itself. 

How many of you reading this have had thoughts along the lines of "Well, Spirit sure hasn't answered my prayers yet; I asked for a new Weber, and so far all I've gotten is more problems and dissatisfaction," or "Jeez, I've been studying and practicing Spirituality for years, and yet I've still not gotten the answers I'm looking for…nor have I had direct audiences with Spirit in between fast-forwarding through the commercials on the ole Tivo?"  I imagine there are many who have wondered why a Spiritual life or Spiritual Path devotedly pursued has not yet yielded a sense of enlightenment, peace, greater riches of money and contentment, and a noticeable reduction in bad stuff happening.  I know that I've wondered that many times in my Spiritual Path youth and even last week. 

Well, here's a take on what's up with all this, and why any of us could trend towards wanting our healing, our Enlightenment, and our Spiritual Path to eventually get us to Nirvana and states of more frequent bliss, and RIGHT NOW, thank you very much: because we've become complacent, culturally narcissistic, and spiritually lazy.  My friend David has often said, in effect, "Westerners don't have any idea what real Spiritual Practice or discipline really is, particularly compared with Eastern-oriented metaphysicists and Spiritual pilgrims."  I remember bristling at that when I first heard it, not realizing I was unconsciously getting into an internally voiced "My Path is Bigger & Better Than Your Path" brouhaha.  Yet, I submit to you all reading this that it might be a good idea to really take a look at what it is that you're expecting from Spirit and a "Spiritual Path."  If you haven't in awhile, really take a gander at why you're even ON a Spiritual Path, if you consider yourself to be on one (a clue that you are: thoughts like "I'm more Spiritual than he/she/them," or "I'm not being Spiritual enough"). 

Where are you trying to get to?  Do you have thoughts or expectations that reaching a certain stage of "enlightenment" or consciousness will bring you more happiness, ease, and better-ness?  Do you find yourself taking issue with tithing your Spiritual church/Source, or paying for "Spiritual Work?"  If you are, or find yourself going there more often than you'd have imagined you would, then I invite you to consider that your Spirit – and the Divine – don't look at things as a price-tagged commodity and value-added destination.  In all Spiritual Traditions that I'm aware of, there is sacrifice and surrender involved in getting closer to Spirit, along with practice, discipline, devotion, faith, and a healthy dose of egoic humility.  Notice where you resist that, check in with your heart, and see if you're really trying to get "somewhere" as proof of being "Spiritual" enough…or, if you're truly willing to do the work that you may need/want to do to simply surrender into a reality that I believe in…that being "Spiritual" is a state, not a dot on a map.

The expression for which this post is named was one of the most oft-used and delightful expressions uttered by my dear frien d, Jim ‘Jaguar’ Wilson.  A man who often spoke in a lingo that defied a first-cut understanding, and brought memories of how Jazz Cats talked back in the 60’s, the expression nevertheless humorously described a life that often seemed beyond Jim’s immediate ideas of what he could handle.  Yet, handle it he did…always finding a way to take whatever obstacles were coming his way – which many did – and then using his Spirit’s refusal to bow to defeat to help him either find solutions, or go through the process with an air of “might as well make the best of it, because it is what it is.”  It was that inspiring and determined way of living that Jim brought to his year-and-a-half long dying process that finally culminated in his passing on September 27 in my old stomping grounds of Bayfield, Colorado (near Durango).

It is not just to pay tribute to this amazing man that I write this.  Jim would have been a teeny bit embarrassed, I think, to have TOO much fawning over him.  Part of his magic was that he never realized what an inspiration he was in life, and probably wouldn’t realize how his death has done the same.  I’m more writing this because, in my grief of losing this gentle, loving man that I knew for 8 years, I see a lesson that’s too important not to highlight.  When I was writing a piece for his memorial that was held Tuesday night – outside at a fire circle with all his New Warrior Brothers, family, and friends – I was trying to figure out what I could say and what I most remembered as one of Jim’s signature expressions.  The “10 pounds of s**t in a 5-pound bag” one was the first one to come to me.  I’ve since realized that that was the perfect one, not only because it was something that Jim would say when you asked him to check in on how he was doing, but it ended up being the edge of existence that he always seemed to find himself transcending.

Transcendence is one of the greatest gifts of possibility that we are given by the Divine through being put in a human existence.  I’m not referring to Transcendence in the sense of rising above something, but simply moving higher beyond a level of consciousness that you have a natural drive to grow beyond, after incorporating all the lessons you can, from each “level.”  This is an impulse that the human spirit, at its fullest, can’t help but do…it’s just a matter of whether we allow it with grace, or if we go kicking and screaming into denying it, fearing it, and avoiding it.  There have been many times in my life that I have taken the latter path, only to find – to both my consternation and relief – that this kind of Transcendence is all but non-avoidable for me and most people.  Jim was a man who modeled for me the beauty of just diving in and going for it.

It was a way of living that he brought to his adventurous younger life climbing mountains and traveling around the world.  He brought it to his incredible jazz guitar playing.  He brought it to how he would fight with his former wife with whom he managed to ultimately co-create a caring relationship with that ended with her being at his side when he passed.  He brought it to his work as an electrician, a job that he truly enjoyed and took great pride in doing with excellence.  Most importantly to him, perhaps, he brought it to the depth of which he loved his daughter Angela and strove to be the kind of father for her that “she deserved,” he would often say.  That one goal, above any other, was the one that drove him to constantly transcend any of the limitations he felt he embodied, imagined or real.

For me, personally, he brought it to the way he did his inner work that I was privileged to lead some of, and many times, got to be led in by his example.  Jim didn’t let all of his adversities define him or limit him.  Eight months ago, when his Pick’s Disease had rendered him unable to walk very far by himself, he showed up in a men’s circle still very sharp, mentally, and loving each man in that circle with his wit, his careful attention, and his unwillingness to operate as if he hobbled in any way.  I know it wasn’t easy most of the time.  I know Jim had a temper, and I know he had his moments.  He was not a God nor was he perfect, by a long shot.  What he was, however, was a living testament to never stopping to live as fully and as best as possible…the way he loved those he loved was always full-out, unconditional (at least with me), and selfless, often to a fault.  All of that, combined with the fact that he was one of the funniest men I’ve ever known, made him a humble man of virtue in my book…a man who, in his life and his death, now symbolizes the endless possibility that Spirit offers us all: the moment-by-moment opportunity to choose, to surrender, to glean the messages that Spirit is offering us through our trials and heartaches, and take all that into a life lived as a commitment to being as fully alive and joyful as possible, while following Spirit’s lead, rather than the voice of limitation that our Ego-minds thrill in focusing on.

Godspeed Jazz Man Jaguar.  Thank you for being a Spiritual lesson for so many, but also for being a teacher to all of us who had the privilege of sharing humble space with you.  May you find even greater freedom in your next stage of evolving, no longer having to carry that damn bag, as those of us who miss you already will use your example to continue to find greater levels of our own freedom in our co-creative walk with Spirit, whether we admit it or not.