Getting Scared To Life
It’s kind of a funny thing, that expression “It scared me to death.” In my work with people, and in my own personal life, one of the biggest components of happiness, success, obstacles, or challenges always seems to boil down to one thing: FEAR. Now, you may think you know what fear means…you certainly know what it feels like…but let me paraphrase a definition I like a lot: False Energies Appearing Real. I have come to see that one of the biggest obstacles to peace and healthy relationships is FEAR.
So, in thinking about how many times I’ve said, “I’m scared to death to do….,” or “I think I’ll do that later, because I’m just scared to death of what might happen,“…or, “I’ll talk with him/her next week, because I’m scared to death of how they might react (That one sound familiar to those of you out there with spouses/partners?)”, I realized that a major shift in perspective is so essential for us to really have what we want. This is certainly true in romantic relationships, but particularly relevant to our success in life, in general, as well.
What if, instead of relating to the fears we have as stops, we used them as indicators and signs of positive actions & directions ready to happen?
I have so often used fear to stop me, not catching on to the opportunity the fear is presenting me to take the next step(s) towards greatness…great results in my business, great health, and/or even greater levels of connection to my wife, who I’ve been with for 28 years now. A coach I work with reminded me that, if you’re really scared, it’s a sure sign you’re ready to grow exponentially. Oy! I’ve always interpreted it to mean it’s time to stop and/or wait…until it’s safe. Wait until there’s enough control. Or, wait until I’m SURE that the result is predictable and assured. At 52, I have gotten old enough – and, presumably wiser – to look back and see how many opportunities for love, wealth, connection, and peace have been missed because I was relating to my fear the wrong way.
So, my offering to you today is: stop letting feel scared to death stop you (unless such a level of fear’s attached to the reality of an oncoming car making its way towards your certain annihilation unless you move out the way); instead, try spending a day (just for starters!) being committed – NO MATTER WHAT – to being Scared Back To Life.
Let me know how it turns out for you!
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My experience is that there is a BIG difference between FEAR and Worry. Often I think that I am fearing something, but in fact it is not fear it is worry. I disagree that fear is always FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. Conducting a risk assessment is essential. If it is FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL, it is most likely worry, which is truly worthless to our lives.
Real fear hits the gut instincts. In an emergency it can help us know how to act quickly and wisely and save your life.
Women in abusive relationships often have fear. Unfortunately, statistics show that there is a significant increase in violent crimes to women whom leave physical or emotionally abuse relationships. By all means people in abusive relationships should leave them, but it is often not successfully peaceful unless some wisdom is used to make an exit PLAN, so that real fear can be reduced to worry. Unfortunately, I have been there.
Therefore, I encourage others to distinguish between fear and worry: conduct a risk assessment. Ask the question, what do I have to loose, REALLY? Most likely the loss is related to ones Ego-which is usually not your Amigo and worthless as well. If the appearing fear is truly “False Energies Appearing Real” then it is worry and worth taking it on.
Aurora,
I couldn’t agree more…I want to make it clear that there is fear that IS real and warranted. It’s the body’s way of doing its best to keep us out of harm’s way. That should be heeded and checked out for appropriate reaction. My experience is also that there can be fear that feels really real that is distinct from worry. I have known abject terror in my life that had absolutely nothing to do with any real threat going on at the time…it was all in my mind’s projections and worst-case scenarios.
However one might wish to deal with the semantics of it, I very very much appreciate you bringing in the critical distinction between worry and fear, and stressing the importance of that risk assessment…as well as bringing light to the heartbreaking issue of domestic violence.
For me fear tastes more like living something from past in present moment and is quite physical feeling and it has been paralyzing at some degree in some situations.
Worry tastes like living in the future and “speculation” what might happen and it does not necessarily paralyze as fear easily can do.
Fear can be an excellent warning sign in instinctive level as many animals show, fear is often pretty reactive(re-active) and worry can be just lingering what if… (and paralyze too if taken too seriously).
I have been in abusive relationship at some point of my life and both were there present – fear and worry – depending of the situation.
Hannele,
Great points, as well. Thanks for sharing your perspective, and I hope that Finland is treating you well! We miss you already out here.
This is a grand title for your new book you will be writing soon that features interviews with people who face their fears and how it turns out. ; )
Because we need that book and you are facing your fears. Ha Ha. ; )
On a more personal note. I’m constantly working on identifying the gut instinct early warning system of fear that Aurora speaks of and the fears that are more like flies on hot southern day after working in the field. Right now I face another kind of fear I’ve avoided all my life. As I write this feature film script and put it in front of world class writers weekly who have seen their writing on the big screen, its something about belief in myself. Everyday, if I don’t face it, I don’t write. If I don’t write I face another fear: failure, disappointment, self betrayal. Commitment is a powerful platform for facing fear. This is why I love working in the brand arena. I’m working with businesses who have committed to being seen, known and heard for what they are all about.
I have a lot of respect for fear. It’s powerful.
Just like anger, it seems to be saying, something needs to change, be faced, thinking needs to be challenged. And is the fear you have the one that gets to the bottom of the worst thing that can happen or is it more topical fears that get in the way of real growth.
Thanks for the post. Fantastic message. Now trademark that name and write that book. ; )
Niya
This makes sense for me. I feel like I have a good connection to real fear and the results: when the hair stands on the back of your neck walking into a new neighborhood, when I was in an earthquake and was the first one on the street, when I caught before anyone the fire that had lept from the candle to the little girl’s hair.
But I can become completely taken over by the terror I feel when I think about death or illness. This then would be an invitation from life for me to embrace it, trust it, and really feel alive. If seen from Geoff’s perspective my fear of death is an invitation to truly live.
Hey, Geoff~
What you wrote and all these replies are just what I needed to read right now. I’m more gripped with fear/worry than I ever have been before. It’s very unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I believe commitment and an invitation to truly live are in the mix… Thank you for your insights! And keep writing!